What if overthinking isn't protecting you, but sabotaging you?
The stories you tell yourself are keeping you small. It’s time to rewrite them.
This post is in collaboration with Laura from Words to Nudge You, a former yoga instructor and journalist for Vogue, Stylist, and Wellbeing Magazine who understands the psychology of over-thinking and self-sabotage firsthand.
Read to the bottom for so she thought’s first ever mindful moment playlist ✨
We convince ourselves that overthinking helps us make better decisions. That replaying conversations, analysing every possibility, and obsessing over what could go wrong gives us control. But what if overthinking isn’t making you smarter—it’s making you stuck?
Overthinking isn’t deep thinking. It’s a defense mechanism. A way to avoid discomfort while convincing yourself you’re solving a problem. It feels productive, but it’s just another form of self-sabotage—one that keeps you stuck in hesitation, fear, and doubt.
You're Overthinking Because You Seek Comfort
At its core, overthinking isn’t about gaining clarity—it’s about seeking comfort. It’s about gripping tightly to thoughts, ideas, and emotions because they feel familiar, even when they hurt you.
You dwell on memories, dissecting them from every angle, searching for new meanings. You replay conflicts, convincing yourself that finding the ‘right’ response will somehow change what already happened. You cling to emotions like resentment, mistaking them for strength and control.
But overthinking doesn’t change the past. It just keeps you living in it. This is how self-sabotage works—you mistake hesitation for wisdom, inaction for caution. But in reality, staying stuck isn’t safer. It’s just familiar.
Overthinking is About Emotional Immaturity
We like to think of emotional maturity as something we either have or don’t. But the truth is, we can be emotionally mature in some areas of our lives and completely immature in others. Overthinking signals emotional immaturity—when you struggle to regulate emotions or trust yourself, your mind fills the gap with endless loops of analysis.
Think about it: when emotions drive your decisions, when you dwell on the past instead of learning from it, when you let fear dictate your choices—that’s not control. That’s avoidance.
I’ve seen this cycle play out in the people around me. Years of unresolved emotions lead to misunderstandings and arguments fueled by interpretations rather than facts. Two people, both trapped in their own narratives, overthinking every interaction, convinced the other is the problem. In reality, the real issue isn’t what happened—it’s how they’re holding onto it.
Emotional maturity isn’t about never feeling negative emotions. It’s about managing them—understanding when to process, when to let go, and when to act. Immaturity, on the other hand, is allowing your emotions to dictate your actions rather than using them as signals to guide you forward. Overthinking is just one way emotional immaturity keeps you stuck.
Think of your overthinking as a “master storyteller”
Note - When we let emotions take the wheel, they don’t just keep us stuck—they also twist our perception of reality. The mind starts crafting stories, not just reflecting on what happened, but exaggerating, predicting disaster, or distorting the truth altogether.
So… how do we get “unstuck”? Take Pinocchio. This metaphor might be a stretch, but bear with me. We all know Pinocchio’s nose grows and grows every time he tells a lie. Just as Pinocchio’s nose grows every time he lies, our overthinking often manifests as exaggerated or distorted thoughts that don’t align with reality. We can learn to identify these “growing nose” moments in our own minds:
Catastrophising future events
Ruminating excessively on past experiences
Creating self-defeating narratives about our abilities or worth
Separating Truth from Fiction to Break the Overthinking Cycle
Pinocchio’s growing nose provides a clear visual cue of his dishonesty. While we don’t have such an obvious physical indicator, we can develop our own “truth detectors.”
We can fact-check our thoughts against objective evidence to acknowledge when we're spinning false narratives.
A few other ways we can find truth on the road to emotional maturity:
Seek external perspectives from trusted friends or professionals
Practice mindfulness to observe our thoughts without judgment
Ground ourselves in the present moment and observable facts
Continuously challenge and reframe our distorted thoughts
Like Pinocchio, we’re all on a journey of self-discovery and growth. By being aware of our “growing nose’ moments of overthinking, we can choose to respond more rationally and authentically to life’s challenges.
If overthinking isn’t serving you, then the first step is recognizing that it’s not a sign of control—it’s a symptom of fear. It’s a behavior you’ve nurtured but not a part of who you are. Like Pinocchio's wooden form, overthinking is a construct you've built over time—a behavior you've nurtured, but not an inherent part of your true self.
What if the clarity you’re searching for only comes after you take action? What if it isn’t hidden within the intricate lies your overthinking mind tells, but emerges when you step out of false narratives of worry or comfort you tell yourself and into the world of action? Overthinking won’t give you certainty—it will only give you more reasons to hesitate. The real question is: Are you willing to move forward without all the answers?
so she thought playlist: mindful moments 🧘♀️
Ok guys… this is embarrassing, but I think instrumental music will feature heavily on my Spotify wrapped this year (don’t worry, so will young thug and all my other favorite rappers).
But at various points in my day, my body calls for calm - so I give it calm. If your body calls for the same, my mindful moments playlist (below) is just for you.
When might you find this playlist helpful?
Just before you fall asleep - my new melatonin!
When writing, reading or engaging in a creative act - fully gets me in the zone
After receiving a triggering work email - turn Weightless on and take a 10-minute walk or do a quick yoga stretch
Amidst environmental stressors - i.e. when the loud city sirens outside your apartment window get to be too much
When you’re over-thinking everything or sitting with uncertainty - just breathe
As always, thank you for reading & stay tuned for more from so she thought on Friday ✨
<3 Delaney
 | A guest post by
|